I've stopped caring about things in my life. What's wrong with me? I don't regret deleting two years worth of personal blog posts. I've just let them go. One thing that's bothered me highly, is how so much a person can change within two years. Correction, people. My middle school friends have been distant now, and neither of us have many any effort to keep in touch, just a few. It bothers me that I care about my former friend's decisions. They've made foolish ones, their actions don't effect me physically, but I guess I care about their wellbeing. One kid wants to drop out of high school; another just plains annoys me. Okay, the latter bothers me more. Why do I care if high school is a popularity contest? It bothers me that the once sweet former friend doesn't understand the value of a close friendship. He just goes about joining every club, every organizations, every ASB activity at school. It's good that he's so involved, but he's truely doing it for the wrong reasons. He doesn't care enough to put any effort to his projects. He's just there for the sake of being there, and meeting new people. It's almost caused me to hate him because I see around school so often. I find socialising a fun activity as well, but it disturbs me to a level I haven't experienced before. I kind have wanted to leave this school so I wouldn't see him all over campus. Turning school into a tyranny for myself is something I would normally do, and I haven't. I know others wouldn't have the fun in partipating in school if I was there, doing everything. School is not a one-manned place. I just dont enjoy school as I would. He's everywhere, and I can't avoid everywhere. Next thing you know, he'll show up to all my clubs and know all my new made buddies. I have to admit, I'm scared of losing them to him.

I have issues. Abandonment issues count, and I'm not ready to share my friends with him yet. It's horrid enough that I'm sharing the campus with him. He doesn't care about things. He just does them. Me, I can't live without a passion. I think I'm losing it. I'm losing passion too. I just don't care, I care about the wrong things. I can't focus on what's important anymore. Today, I just notice. I'm doing what he does. I'm doing things I don't care about. I pulled myself out, to write this thought down. Recently, what do I care about? I can't avoid this friend. He's inevitable, he's overbearing and he's crowding the campus. In the past, I wanted to fit in with everyone and do what everyone else was doing. I wanted to be a team player. Nowadays, I want to seperate myself and find something I want to do because I love it. Don't call me antisocial. I want a few true friendships, not a million meaningless connections. Although connections help, you can find financial sucess; you can't find happiness when no one really knows you for who you are. There are things I want to acheieve, and I have no doubt I'll get them done. I don't want to be lonely in the process, but I'll have friends in the end. I'll have passionate friends like me.