What Nots
Wednesday, April 30, 1:22 AM
Some things you can never appreciate until its gone. You wrote me a poem, left unaddressed and I merely skimmed through the lyrical words. And now, I'm back online, and it's disappeared. Well, Jennifer wrote me a letter today. I liked it, I do regret not reading the poem. I hope you rewrite it again. I'm sorry. Well, at the moment, I don't think I like anyone; I'm focusing more on friendships now. Nguyen and I have agreed that Asian guys rock. The cute smart ones that can speak eloquently. And this is where our tastes differ, they split up. I'm not going to blog about my preferences and what not. It's embaressing, I'm blushing typing this. ABs, we don't have NAB or KAB now, it's simply ABs. Darn, I wish we had more of a chance getting to know some of the people graduating this year. Some people look so interesting, but I suppose I can randomly say hi once high school is done. Who knows, who knows? Gayle's Birthday sleepover in San Fran is upcoming. It's going to be a getaway from home. I love other cities.
Source: Cale Atkinson's artwork
Good Death
Friday, April 25, 7:48 PM
Wait, what? What did I do today? Well, there was Pizza during lunch. In Miss Nguyen's class we talked and we didn't wind up with too much homework. Apparently, the school sent out a superindendant letter, stating that Andrew Hill might be in their second year of Program Improvement if they don't make state standards in testing next year....and urging students to switch schools. It's expected that students don't do well. Isn't that sad? The ModelUN meeting was really short. I got the chance to sit through Mr. Winsatt's semi-authentic TOK class. Less than half of his students were in the classroom. They were discussing whether eunthanasia should be allowed. Personally, I heard "youth in Asia." I rambled random things. I don't think I added to the environment, but I don't mind just sitting through today. The presentation, was lackluster. I just think the presentor had other prorities on top of TOK, must be tough with time management when you're in IB. I came to realise that a legislation making suicide illegal since if the person suceeded, there would be no point. What's going to happen with the people who attempted, but failed? I can only hope that they'll get the psychological help they need. I remember back, when I saw this site advertise assistance for personal suicide. It euphemised death as a beautiful thing, and added that death of old age is horrid. Dying at the peak of their lifetime, before old age makes you shrivel up into a prune. I think not! Jack LaLanne is still fabulous. I hope I'm up and running when I reach his age, that is; if I do. I think I'm one step closing when it comes to some people liking me, and certain that don't.
Kawaii Laughter
Wednesday, April 23, 5:51 PM
I knew I forgot something. Oh well, that makes my Friday free. There will be other times and I don't mind waiting for next year to ask a guy to Sadie's. I really forgot to ask, but anyways it makes me happy knowing he'd say yes if I did. The wind was hard when I was walking home today; it made me think more. I really forgot didn't I? This was pretty much a nice day. In the morning, I was unexpectedly all smiley, but I felt even better when school was done. I'm a bit fatigued. I have more assignments now, it's sort of lame. CAT or whatever testing is next week. I'm hecka ready. Odd? Yes, but I think I can do well. I excell on some parts, on others I don't. I am not working on improving it, why? I think my efforts are better put into other things. My angst towards "double dipping/testing the water" people is silly. I do have a right to ignore them, and there's nothing wrong about not liking everyone. It still isn't comparable to when I was 9 and hated all of humanity. I just realised pretending annoying people don't exist, really helps! It's okay, I'm not the only person annoyed. I found that out, and I think it makes me feel better. Though, most people don't even care. I care too much, sometimes its better being ignorant. Really, prove me otherwise! I love Nguyen even more this week. I know we can't hang out as often as we used to, but I don't mind. I just know we have each others back. I love Gayle for the buddy I can always talk to. Life is good. Who cares how many times I say that, and how many times I don't say that? It's not trite!
It's fine that I have work to do. I can still fine time to do what I want, not what everyone is doing. I'm glad Danh wants to include me in the Pizza plan; I miss being with the buddies. The weather changes so frequently, even for one day. It rained last night and the sky was very gloomy this morning. Then in the afternoon, it got brighter, and later windy. If you would've asked me to swim at 9am, I would've refused. The case when tutorial came, I would've gone. I forgot to blog yesterday didn't I? I had so much fun going to Overfelt. I saw some portables with Leadership Public school and I wondered if Marryanne goes to this campus. They had so many tennis courts too, I couldn't help admire. I got to talk to Jennifer about our love of food. Nguyen nagged me about going to MB. It was funny, her stance was that I got to eat good food. I simply stated, I wasn't going to attend unless some cute boy asks me. It went on and on. I've got this small scheme, of getting boys not to ask me. I think it will work just fine. I'm sort of being a cheapskate you could say. Once again, being at the badminton game was fun. I had enough time to change since the last class was just PE. I think the game I remembered most was Ngoc's game, he flat-out beat his opponent. Even moreso then the home game where we played Overfelt. I got to stare at a pretty person. Boy, girl, whatever; but Libras admire beauty. Of course, I don't want to freak out a person by going up to them and confessing my love for their beauty. That is way off. Compliments are fine, but I still like my distance.
Bowling with the FamBam
Sunday, April 20, 6:02 PM
FantastiCa-Cos-Ques?
Friday, April 18, 11:46 PM
Fantastics, yes, Fantastics. I won't comment on our class' efforts. I don't like it. So what? The skits followed a similar formula of people getting sucked in to the video games, and ending in a love confession to the main characters. Same old, same old. I liked the Senior's creativity, how they find the time to commit to the skits and designs; I do not know. I question myself sometimes. I question my actions, but I end up justifying my actions to be the only on to be taken. I did what I could, and more. Gayle came today! I wish she could still blog with us, and share her experiences in text, but apparently, freedom of speech isn't encouraged at her school. At Nguyen's house, we baked spice cake. It took forever in the oven, but hey, it tasted better than plain ol' yellow cake. It didn't need the excessively sweet icing. Note to myself, stick to the Pillsbury brand, it's just right. Gayle wasn't able to watch the Fantastics with us, but Nguyen and I had a great time watching the rally. Spring's too busy, I can only hope things slow down soon. I hope this summer will be stellar. I'm feeling just swell. The tearduct of my right eye is flaking again, this means the weather's going to drastically change. I am trying not to itch. My nails look pink. I'll paint them later.
Garden Lettuce
Tuesday, April 15, 8:08 PM
I had a totally nice day. I conquered the mountain of work I had set before me. I have a deskload still left, but it's nothing compared to the previous pile. This B day, felt good. We got out early, even though I turned in my permission slip for the rally on Monday; we've found out for what ever reason, the trip was cancelled. I found myself with free time to go to the Red Cross interview. I wasn't required to go, but since Michelle told me to, I did. It was simply short, I actually wished they asked me more questions. I know they didn't need to, but it would've been more fun. I should've asked them questions in the end. Nguyen, Claudine and Linda fed me food haha. I got thirsty too. Lala, Badminton practice is always harsh when Coach Te isn't leading it. At least, we played at the end. I'm learning so much. I need to work on the power plays, and do smashes like the awesome girls singles. Doubles, I was so used to that.
Oxfam International Youth Partnerships
Sunday, April 13, 1:57 AM
This should be my inspiration:
Millenium Goals
How Many UN states can you name in 10 minutes?
Banh Xeo Night
Friday, April 11, 10:29 PM
French Dinner
Thursday, April 10, 11:00 PM
Here was the night of the dinner. The day was awfully nice, PE was fun, we did badminton. I watched the boy's tennis team play Sabrato with Nguyen. Boy did they lose badly. I went home with 30 minutes to dress and get back to school. Two dinners in one week, haven't been home early all this week. Louie and I rode with Madame Greene. We learned the directions in French earlier that day, and we applied what we knew. Off to Emile's, I've always passed by there on my way to the MLK or downtown. I used to think that place was Emeril's. I sat with Louie in the resturant, then Payam came to our table. Oh, we were seperated from the "fun" crew, but I got to talk to Louie more than often. I love the soup we had in the first course. Everything, was just decent. I didn't like the apple pie, much too tarty. The coffee I ordered, the waiters kept forgetting. It was without cream, pretty bitter. Wow, we never stepped foot outside the restaurant until 9ish! On the ride back to school, we spotted fireworks. With small problems with my dad, I got home at 10. Boy, it was late.
Bay Buffet
Tuesday, April 8, 9:54 PM
Wow, it was such a fun day. My fish painting looks wonderful. Linda came to visit today, and Phuc still didn't have the Sadie Hawkins form for her. Sad, but at least the birthday gift was delivered. It's a cute ducky plush toy in a costume suit! My dad didn't want to drive anyone to Bay Buffet, but I simply couldn't leave Annie and Kevin without a ride. So, we picked up Kevin at school, then drove to Annie's house. We got there a few seconds before Phuc and the tennis boys arrive. Then Donna got dropped off. Whee! We won. Eating there was megafun, let's leave out the samll details. In the area of BBQ noodle servers, Phuc and Louie did this weird oompa loompa dance. Phuc's relatives came, that didn't stop us from talking a bunch. Okay, so the night was great.
Concerns
Monday, April 7, 10:09 PM
Um, I'm having fits of loneliness? I slept for four hours today from 5-9, and during the keynote speaker on the Halocaust today. Shame on me, I was sleeping enough for yesterday, but I don't know what's with me today. In badminton, I felt uncoordinated and it really showed. I wasn't upset, but really impressed with what Christina can do with raquet sports now. I really want a study buddy for Geometry. Miss Nguyen clearly doesn't cut it. I'm glad to be going to French class tomorrow, but I wonder if I'm missing something. Tomorrow is Phuc's birthday, I must convince my dad to drive me to Bay Buffet at 6. Today, I forgot it was Free Hugs Day. I was too caught up in trying to concentrate during the day. I did enough to pass Miss Nguyen's class with an A, but I'm concerned that I'm falling behind. During the 4-hour slumber, I had a vision of me during Junior, or later years of college. I was speaking to others on applying for this high position, of which I don't know of now. I read proudly at a camera, "If you recently find yourself angering, ill-stricken, or in a recent traumatic experience, then I must ask you to remove yourself from the list of applicants. Perhaps, you'll be better suited off with next year's potentials. If you are deeply involved in a religious organization, then we aren't able to consider you. We make no discrimination against race, sexual orientation or gender itself, but we judge our candiates on their level of commitment, neutrality, professionalism and experience. I can only hope the best to all those motivated in running..." To find myself in the acme of my academic career, quoting those lines, would be not only amazing, but astounding.
In the past, I've turning to writing as a release of stress. With a problem or major event in my life, I would write pages and pages of material. I write so I choose not to forget. I did delete 2 years of material on the closing of one of my journal sites. I don't mind; it scares me that I didn't care. The concept of my past will still stay with me, right? I've pondered on whom my rolemodels might be today. Regarding celebrity rolemodels, I'd have to say they'd be Alton Brown, Jack Lallanne, and Ellen DeGeneres. There's more, but I know these are the poserhouses of great influence on me. Notice that they aren't known for their wealth in particular, but for their ability to be entertaining, happy as well as charismatic. I will prevail over these gloomy days, no, no had times, but I will feel better. I will do more than sleep my days away. On Sunday, I went with my dad grocery shopping. I doted him on the benefits of buying fresh food and cooking it yourself at home. I also told him it saved money, that was a deal-sealer. Today, I prepared my own lunch and it made me feel more accomplished.
Fatigued
Saturday, April 5, 8:23 PM
And so I went to Science Olympiads. Duy picked me up at my house. Louie came too? It was filled with boring activities like taking many tests, no multiple choice! At the end there was this lady, Arlene Blum, talking about flame retardants being harmful to our health. She also climbed the world's top peaks as well. Andrew Hill did poorly, I was hungry. I got home really tired. I took a nap after following research on the Green science policy. I should do homework. Hey, I saw Kevin from sixth grade today. He looked super happy going up there and grabbing his friends' medals. I hope tomorrow goes better, at least I got out of the house. Tomorrow, I'll run and then I'll be baking with Nguyen. We need to celebrate Eric's way overdue birthday.I want to just pause life. I miss having some boy to obsess over. It's gone now and what's my motivation of going to school. I do want a decent education, but I feel so lost at the moment. I napped today when I was relaxed, but I woke up feeling miserable. I just want to find someone who accepts me as I would to them. I'm not looking for a relationship, but I don't want this one-sided crush. I feel dreadful.
Not Abandoned
, 8:10 AM
I've stopped caring about things in my life. What's wrong with me? I don't regret deleting two years worth of personal blog posts. I've just let them go. One thing that's bothered me highly, is how so much a person can change within two years. Correction, people. My middle school friends have been distant now, and neither of us have many any effort to keep in touch, just a few. It bothers me that I care about my former friend's decisions. They've made foolish ones, their actions don't effect me physically, but I guess I care about their wellbeing. One kid wants to drop out of high school; another just plains annoys me. Okay, the latter bothers me more. Why do I care if high school is a popularity contest? It bothers me that the once sweet former friend doesn't understand the value of a close friendship. He just goes about joining every club, every organizations, every ASB activity at school. It's good that he's so involved, but he's truely doing it for the wrong reasons. He doesn't care enough to put any effort to his projects. He's just there for the sake of being there, and meeting new people. It's almost caused me to hate him because I see around school so often. I find socialising a fun activity as well, but it disturbs me to a level I haven't experienced before. I kind have wanted to leave this school so I wouldn't see him all over campus. Turning school into a tyranny for myself is something I would normally do, and I haven't. I know others wouldn't have the fun in partipating in school if I was there, doing everything. School is not a one-manned place. I just dont enjoy school as I would. He's everywhere, and I can't avoid everywhere. Next thing you know, he'll show up to all my clubs and know all my new made buddies. I have to admit, I'm scared of losing them to him.
I have issues. Abandonment issues count, and I'm not ready to share my friends with him yet. It's horrid enough that I'm sharing the campus with him. He doesn't care about things. He just does them. Me, I can't live without a passion. I think I'm losing it. I'm losing passion too. I just don't care, I care about the wrong things. I can't focus on what's important anymore. Today, I just notice. I'm doing what he does. I'm doing things I don't care about. I pulled myself out, to write this thought down. Recently, what do I care about? I can't avoid this friend. He's inevitable, he's overbearing and he's crowding the campus. In the past, I wanted to fit in with everyone and do what everyone else was doing. I wanted to be a team player. Nowadays, I want to seperate myself and find something I want to do because I love it. Don't call me antisocial. I want a few true friendships, not a million meaningless connections. Although connections help, you can find financial sucess; you can't find happiness when no one really knows you for who you are. There are things I want to acheieve, and I have no doubt I'll get them done. I don't want to be lonely in the process, but I'll have friends in the end. I'll have passionate friends like me.
Relief
Friday, April 4, 9:20 PM
Jennifer is a great friend. PE was fun today, we had interesting conversations with Ruby. I got a random hug today. I'm glad Jennifer was patient enough to wait up for me, so we could go to Elena's birthday party. I was glas she was trusting enough to get over her fear of dogs for a bit. I'm glad she met Mikey. The food at the party was good; the pile of 5th graders in the party were occupied with playing Maple. Jennifer socialized with them, she fit in. It was relaxing. We went home before 9. I was a bit tired.
Laughable
Tuesday, April 1, 4:12 PM
Consider how sordid, how stupid, in a word, how vulgar most men are, and you will see that it is impossible to talk to them without becoming vulgar yourself for the time being. Vulgarity is in this respect like electricity; it is easily distributed. [...] So you will see that, in dealing with fools and blockheads, there is only one way of showing your intelligence — by having nothing to do with them. That means, of course, that when you go into society, you may now and then feel like a good dancer who gets an invitation to a ball, and on arriving, finds that everyone is lame:—with whom is he to dance? - Arthur Schopenhauer
